You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
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So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
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Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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