You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
