my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
