We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Randomize
