She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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