Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
