how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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