I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
