I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
