you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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