you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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