And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
