end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
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