I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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