we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
