a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I FOUND THE LEGS
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
