You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
