Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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