what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
