This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
