"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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