I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
