Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
All the doctor said was why
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
