the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
