He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
