it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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