Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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