Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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