she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
