i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
