rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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