i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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