He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
