I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
