I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
you never un-have a 4some
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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