no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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