i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
that may or may not have been my penis.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
