dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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