I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
