he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
