Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
