So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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