Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
