how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
How external is "for external use only"?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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