he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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