I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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