If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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