Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
two words...techno handjob
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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