I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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