my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
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while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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