My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
