I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
