I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
is wine microwaveable?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
