we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
