I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
