i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
