Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
