Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
40s are totally the cure
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
