oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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