youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize