I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
