Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
