Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
