he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
