Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
